Thirteen Things Spammers should know about me I figure this will help them stop wasting their time sending me email I don't need and hopefully clear out my inbox. 1. I do not need a larger penis. This may come as a shock, but some women actually prefer not having one. 2. I am not, nor ever have been, in the military. Therefore, I do not need your help in obtaining the disability benefits I'm entitled to. 3. I do not have an account at all the different banks who email me. Interestingly enough, I have NEVER received an email from a bank I actually have an account at. And no, you may not know who it is. 4. Another shocker- I don't need a f*ck buddy. I already have one. I married him eight years ago, and frankly, I'm too exhausted to add to my collection. Ditto for all the "matchmaking" emails I get. 5. I don't have bad credit. Please stop telling me how I can fix it. 6. I already work from home. The last thing I need is another job. 7. Why would I want to open my own Liberty tax office when I make a lot more money working fewer hours for your competitor? 8. Even if I wanted to go back to school, and even if your free scholarship was legit, you'd also have to give me free childcare for my rugrats. Send me that deal and I might consider it. 9. I have no preference as to which beer is better. Frankly, it all tastes like toad pee, so I don't drink it. 10. A slimmer me? Are you saying that I'm fat? Fuhgeddaboudit. 11. I have never taken any of the other drugs with funky lawsuits. If I had, I have a perfectly good attorney who'd handle it for me. 12. We don't have student loans. No need for help to pay them off. 13. You'd really give me $30,000 unsecured? Or secured on my PO Box? Really? Super. Just send it me c/o John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, or better yet, just give me the cash. Because honestly, anyone dumb enough to give a perfect stranger thirty grand unsecured is really just giving away a nice gift. So there you have it. All the reasons for spammers to take me off their lists. I'm really a terrible candidate for the things they advertise, and very much a waste of their time.

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I am in serious need of a mental overhaul. I am going in so many different directions, I don't know which end was up. Today, I argued with someone that it was Monday. Calgon, take me away... PLEASE!

The good news is my house is shaping up. I had a crew of friends from work come over and help today. My one friend kept yelling at me to go take a nap because she thinks I need to rest more. And okay, given all the stuff wrong with my body, she's probably right. But I can't rest. I have a house to get ready to sell, small children, a job, and I have requested books to get out there. Where in that do you see time to rest?

I did get a lesson in appreciating The Terrorist today. That Man took her to the park and she fell and did her infamous stop breathing trick again. She finally started crying, but then fell asleep in his arms. He came in with her and told me she'd fallen and until I heard her soft little snores for myself, I prayed frantically. She and I have been having some bad days lately. She's going through a super defiant phase and everything is a battle. I hate that I spend every day chasing her around, telling her no. But honestly, she hasn't been doing a whole lot I can say yes to. However, as I look upon her sleeping face (and yes, I actually stopped and went upstairs to look at her), none of it matters. She's driving me insane, and I am so thankful for her that it doesn't matter.

I wonder sometimes, if this is how God feels. Granted, He's God, so He doesn't get stressed out. But I wonder if He has a huge list of things to do and in trying to get it all done, He's got a million pesky kids who, despite His best attempts to discipline and guide them along the right path, continually act up and get in the way. Does he scratch His head and say, "If you would just cooperate, I would get this done a whole lot faster." And in the same moment, He can look upon our dirty faces with love and say, "That's okay, you're worth it."

I know The Terrorist will not be a defiant three year old forever. Even if every day feels like it. I might complain about having one, but I have to remember that to God, I can be that same defiant child. How many times do I know what I'm supposed to do and do the exact opposite. And like my daughter, if asked why, the best answer I can come up with is, "because."

I have no idea what's on everyone else's plate, although for some I can come up with a pretty good guess. However, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, take the time to do a couple of things: One, go have a chat with your Father and make sure you're not being the three year old. He could use a break. And He'd probably enjoy the chat. Two, whoever and whatever it is you're having a hard time loving and appreciating today- go find something to love about them. Even if they've just blown up your beautiful, clean house. Finally, go rest. Take a minute or two or a few, and give yourself a break. You need it.